Hi, i am not quite alive

She says nothing at all,

but simply stares upward

into the dark sky and watches,

with sad eyes,

the slow dance of the infinite stars.

This thing that's happening now, the thing(s) happening now, are eating me inside out, from the inside, right out. I'm so BLOODY FUCKING TIRED i'm not lying when i say i wish i wasn't born. Granted, i've had my fair share of freaking euphoria but when it comes to times like this, it's really, really, really low for me.

Usually i don't cope i just die and somehow revive myself for the next day.

Now i don't even want to die i just want to disintegrate and disappear, maybe come back in about 100 years- that is, if the world doesn't end in 2012.

On a much lighter note, my birthday day was completely horrible but the days following it were quite fine, awsm, if i must say so. In fact most people decided they would b nice and give me a present the following Monday :)

Too bad i don't have the time to go post up pics of everything :( But maybe i'll do so after o's. My rents bought me a polaroid :) Now i don't have to keep turning on the computer to look @ photos (since i hate printing them) not quite a picture person, see.

Back to this misery thingum i'm going through right now, well, at least i'm alive :) Not very but still breathing a bit :)

(I really love this book-filled majestic haven i swear i can die here, if it really does exist and is not some form of computer graphic shit)

Oh, reminds me of my life. And my new scary tuition teacher.

Fucking 16th

Never in my life have i wanted a day to end since the first second by which it started. Never in my 16 years of birthdays, have i ever wanted to not have, a birthday.

Since time is so fucking stubborn, i don't see myself re-living my (supposedly sweet) sixteenth. The day fucked itself up, like how i fucked my life up.

Wrong decisions lead to chain reactions and i'm so bloody sick of everything i'm exasperated.

And you know what? I feel like a fool. I'm sick to my stomach feeling like a bloody fool.