PRETTY-FACADE

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last

Don’t cry,

I’m sorry to have deceived you so much,

but that’s how life is.

So, hi. :) I have decided to abandon this space. For awhile. I'll be back though (obviously and because) i always need some place to rant and i keep losing the soft copies i write on so...........

O's have been A BLAST. I'VE HAD THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD IN YEARS. Yeah.

Idle

Hi, i am not quite alive

She says nothing at all,

but simply stares upward

into the dark sky and watches,

with sad eyes,

the slow dance of the infinite stars.

This thing that's happening now, the thing(s) happening now, are eating me inside out, from the inside, right out. I'm so BLOODY FUCKING TIRED i'm not lying when i say i wish i wasn't born. Granted, i've had my fair share of freaking euphoria but when it comes to times like this, it's really, really, really low for me.

Usually i don't cope i just die and somehow revive myself for the next day.

Now i don't even want to die i just want to disintegrate and disappear, maybe come back in about 100 years- that is, if the world doesn't end in 2012.

On a much lighter note, my birthday day was completely horrible but the days following it were quite fine, awsm, if i must say so. In fact most people decided they would b nice and give me a present the following Monday :)

Too bad i don't have the time to go post up pics of everything :( But maybe i'll do so after o's. My rents bought me a polaroid :) Now i don't have to keep turning on the computer to look @ photos (since i hate printing them) not quite a picture person, see.

Back to this misery thingum i'm going through right now, well, at least i'm alive :) Not very but still breathing a bit :)

(I really love this book-filled majestic haven i swear i can die here, if it really does exist and is not some form of computer graphic shit)

Oh, reminds me of my life. And my new scary tuition teacher.

Fucking 16th

Never in my life have i wanted a day to end since the first second by which it started. Never in my 16 years of birthdays, have i ever wanted to not have, a birthday.

Since time is so fucking stubborn, i don't see myself re-living my (supposedly sweet) sixteenth. The day fucked itself up, like how i fucked my life up.

Wrong decisions lead to chain reactions and i'm so bloody sick of everything i'm exasperated.

And you know what? I feel like a fool. I'm sick to my stomach feeling like a bloody fool.

Ache

I guess i shouldn't have expected anything. I didn't expect my heart to ache this badly either. I should have realised that no matter how much i put in, i'd probably get xtremely little back. I should have known. I should have known. I really really should have expected this.

Hey bel, why are you crying? Is it such a big deal?

Yes.

Try to find me

If I am lost for a day
try to find me,
but if i don't come back
then i won't look behind me.
all of the things i thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day

december is darkest,
and june is the light.
but this empty bedroom won't make anything right.
and out on the landing
a friend i forgot to send home
who waits up for me all through the night.

calendar girl, who's in love with the world
stay alive
stay alive

i dreamed i was dying
as i so often do;
and when i awoke
i was sure it was true.
i ran to the window
threw my head to the sky,
and said whoever is up there, please don't let me die

i can't live forever.
i can't always be.
one day i'll be sand on the beach by the sea;
the pages keep turning, i'll mark off each day with a cross
and i'll laugh about all that we've lost.

calendar girl, who is lost to the world
stay alive
stay alive

stay alive, stay alive

MELTDOWN

She was too tall,

too fond of books,

too grave,
and,

a curious thing,

never smiled unless there was something to smile at.

Hi, so it's like............ less than 30 days to o's now. I have been having spasmodic meltdowns and i m driving myself nuts.

I think physics is a life-saver. Will die w/o it. WHY CAN'T BIO BE LOGICAL. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW MY UTERUS LINING BREAKS DOWN WHEN IT HAPPENS IT JUST HAPPENS I SCOLD A CURSE WORD AND MOVE ON.

I don't even care how my kidneys look like I DON'T CARE! Medulla Cortex blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (urgh)

:(

XHAUSTED

Let them think what they liked,

but I didn’t mean to drown myself.

I meant to swim till I sank —

but that’s not the same thing.

I want to sink.........................................................................................................

If I am lost for a day try to find me
But if I don't come back then I won't look behind me
And all of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day

Chairlift

She hopes for nothing

except fine weather and a resolution.

She wants to end properly,

like a good sentence.

I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Everytime I fell on you, yeah, everytime I fell
I tried to do handstands for you
But everytime I fell for you
I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you.

--

Gone, i am gone. I will b back though. Soon enough. Too soon for my liking.

As for now, God save me.

screwed

Ah yes, i fucked up for prelims. M going to focus and (hopefully) not blog so much.

Cello

Perfect.

Lost till you're found
Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down

Love till you hate
Strong till you break
Know that we all fall down

Hi

Everything will turn out right,

the world is built on that.

Yes, and so. The conclusion for my weekend, it wasn't too bad :) I made my own notes on Molecular Genetics in pink, so i like reading it now :)

Gosh imagine if all our textbooks had glittery pink covers and the font was in pink and everything is pink, I WOULD SO TOTALLY DO WELL, *hint to the secret readers from MOE*

Anyway, i'm living in a constant state of anxiety and stress but i have to if not i wouldn't study.. OH AND TODAY IS WINNIE'S BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUV *inserts love*

That and i am officially broke. I DIDN'T EVEN THINK I WOULD BE BROKE THIS MONTH CUZ OF IMPENDING O'S BUT, BUT, BUTT!

I don't wna go to school tmr :( This is horrible. I'm not even living in my kpop fandom, i have abandoned it for a whole 2 days and i'm suffering badly. THUS, INTRODUCING, WORLD'S CUTEST GUY (v coincidentally, my boyfriend as well), DONGHAE :D

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS HOW CAN SUCH A............................. FUCKING CUTE GUY EXIST.

I FEEL LIKE SINGING 'JUST THE WAY YOU ARE' TO HIM BUT, THE SONG IS FOR A GIRL (eg: her eyes her eyes) and secondly, i'm going to SING it. That alone is self-explanatory. Besides, i don't find guys beautiful. I always thought the term beautiful was used to describe girls.

Okay bye. I like ze:a. They are awsm. I love you boyfriend. Happy birthday winnie i love you too!

BIRTHDAY

OH! B4 I FORGET, SOMETHING(S) IMPT HAPPENED THIS WEEK! IT WAS DEANNA'S AND SHA'S SWT 16 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Hahahaha is is important because i love them a lot and anyone whom i love has important birthdays. Besides, they're so much better than wishing stars and hearts and besides we are all part of the fairy mafia gang (yay) and about a year and a few days ago we were celebrating they're combined birthdays @vivo while everyone else was busy studying but we couldn't do that this year though because of o's but rest assured because, 'AFTER O'S' that 2 words will bring more joy than you can ever imagine.

Thank you, both of you, for being in my life :) Being w you guys gives me the same feeling that i always get before i bite into chocolate HAHA, or better still, when i buy something pink! We will attend sha's indian wedding yes? And deanna will b the purrrfact house wife, yes? And you will all come stark naked to my funeral right so i will resurrect and start laughing, yes?

And we will never forget each other, yes? Yes, definitely :)

I M HAPPY :)

Now, back to work.

(I AM SAD :( )

Failure, i am.

You are afraid of it because it is stronger than you;

you hate it because you are afraid of it;

you love it because you cannot subdue it to your will.

Only the unsubduable can be loved.

Hi, i lasted this many days! Haha here's a secret, i haven't had one day w/o the com. I just didn't blog. This is so depressing.

I was this close *shows thumb and index finger* to succeeding and then guess whut? I woke up at 2am just to go on the com for like 30 mins cuz i didn't use it that day. MORTIFYING.

Whut else is mortifying? My chem marks. Haha i m not going to talk abt tht because i might just go kill myself.

Hahahaha will drown myself w mainstream songs bcuz sometimes indie songs just worsen my already-xtremely-depressed mood. Hello usher! Justin beeeeber, um bruno mars? Hahahaha.

Maybe i shld just save up money to do plastic surgery and join some kpop company, yes? Sounds like a hell of a swell idea :D

BACK TO HELL

We’re actors in our lives,

pretendin’ to be who we

want people to think we are.

So, a short short recap on how my sep hols went, um other than the fact that heechul (ze:a) winked at me, i can't remember anything else.

Much less studying.

M officially declaring myself screwed for o's.

THEREFORE, THIS SHALL BE MY LAST POST, UNTIL THE 15TH OF NOVEMBER.

(Unless i cannot take it anymore, believe me i will probably post tomorrow) but HEY, it's worth a try, yes?

Head to bed, head to bed.

man2man

If you wish for something hard enough,

the fairy tales teach us,

you can get it in the end.

But it’s hardly ever the way you thought it would be,

and the endings aren’t always happy ones.

Hi, an attempt at a decent blog post after that whole.... fangurling post, i know.

So, hol hw, all half-done. Haha don't know if i will even finish them by tomorrow (highly doubt it) I found a lot of undone june hol hw. I realised the teacher didn't collect them! (Okay, duh)

Thing is, i'm scared. Haha, i honestly am a tad bit afraid.

LIKE FINALLY RIGHT. My senses came back to me! Or, if you think i had none in the first place then, FINALLY MY NON-EXISTENT SENSES, SUDDENLY EXISTED!

Hahahahahahaha. Time to fret! Bye.

Listen to man2man, you will not regret it. (See the youtube vid below? At the post right below this? Yes click play. And listen to the first 4-5 bars. You. will. not. regret. it.)

WINK WINK WINK

HE WINKED AT ME.

THIS GUY, WINKED, HE BLOODY WINKED AT ME. LIKE ;) WINK WINK WINK OMGGGGGG LIKE, I SHOOK ALL THE HANDS OF ZE:A AND HE BLOODY WINKED AT ME........... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HELLO SAD PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, I AM SO HAPPY NOW I CAN CRY. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG THEY'RE SONG IS REALLY NICE. THIS ONE.

It is better than lucifer. The beat of the first part is so fucking cool i can listen to it without wanting to look at their faces. The melody is really nice.

It's one of the nicest kpop songs that aren't nice because of the mv or anything, the melody, the tune, the beat is REALLY GOOD. Like,

excuse me for saying this,

it's better than mirotic.

THAT'S A HUGE THING FOR ME TO SAY SINCE MIROTIC IS (IN MY OPINION) THE BEST KPOP SONG EVER, IT'S MY FAV. But, this one beats mirotic by.................. a fraction of an inch.

I'm bloody serious i don't even know why they didn't chose to promote this song. Hell if some angmoh sang it, it'll own the charts. THE MELODY IS SO FUCKING AWESOME.

Hehehe, okay anyway, HEECHUL WINKED AT ME OMG HE BLOODY WINKED AT ME.

;)

photobooth

Sooner or later,

reality does occur and when it does,

all the lies show up,

like blood on snow.

So before i went visiting today, my cousin came over and we played with photobooth. I took a zilian and since (to me) it looked pretty decent i shall use it for..... this blog :)

Because i was having visitation today, i couldn't study. (Not an excuse, mind you. A reason. Substantial reason- baba blood flows through my veins) Tomorrow, i will b fan-girling for ze:a and that will OBVIOUSLY take up the whole day, minus-ing my dr appt in the morning.

Which leaves me with Sunday to complete my hw. God knows i don't do work on Sundays i mean, SABBATH! Hello!

Which means i'm screwed. In the meantime, photos :)

I left visitation for my cousin's housewarming party and i think i really am going to have a wedding with the fire breather flame thrower arabian princesses blowing dry ice bubble girls etcetc.

Now no one wants to marry me HAHA don't worry donghae i'm coming HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sidetrack a bit- i don't look one bit like my brother. We look entirely different. :( Then again, i don't want to look like him! HAHAHAHA :)

Bye will head, to bed :)

To a distant friend

WHY art thou silent? Is thy love a plant
Of such weak fibre that the treacherous air
Of absence withers what was once so fair?
Is there no debt to pay, no boon to grant?
Yet have my thoughts for thee been vigilant,	5
Bound to thy service with unceasing care—
The mind's least generous wish a mendicant
For nought but what thy happiness could spare.
Speak!—though this soft warm heart, once free to hold
A thousand tender pleasures, thine and mine,	10
Be left more desolate, more dreary cold
Than a forsaken bird's-nest fill'd with snow
'Mid its own bush of leafless eglantine—
Speak, that my torturing doubts their end may know!
(W. Wordsworth)

study

The brick walls are there 

to give us a chance 

to show how badly 

we want something.

Today, i realised that i had one really good source of motivation, one really good reason why i should start studying. Something i really want badly. Something i've wanted since i was 12.

That and the fact that i honestly need to get out of this shithole. 

You are my BIGGEST mistake

I've made many, granted. Thinking back, my biggest mistake was knowing you. I wish i never knew you. I wish had never met you. Now i just wish you'll die. Choke on your food. Stab yourself with a pencil. I don't know fucking commit suicide because omg you life is oh so fucking hard everyone is bowing down to you! WOW Please die. Please i'm begging you. I hope you fuck up so badly you'll die because you fucked yourself too hard. 

i give up

YOU WANNA FUCKING KNOW FUCKING WHAT? I FUCKING GIVE UP. FUCK. LIKE, I'M GOING TO FUCKING NOT BOTHER FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU. WHUT FUCK, YOU THINK LIKE THAT VERY FUCKING FUN IS IT. VERY FUCKING NICE IS IT. 

You fucked up.

My anger will diffuse. But this post will serve as a fucking memory as to how you fucked up. 

I WANT TO THROW AWAY MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU. 

bruises

My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, 

or else my heart concealing it will break.

Hi, i'm always wondering if you'll return. Sometimes i pray that you don't. And sometimes i hope you will. I wish on falling stars and eyelashes. Absence isn't solid the way death is. It's fluid, like language. And it hurts.. so, so much. 

'If only' repeats again and again in my heart like a battering ram. 'If only' can break my heart. 

I'm waking up to rain. At least i'm at home. I'm displaced. I don't know where to go. The truth is, i don't want to be alone. 

Never liked rain. It makes me spout rubbish. Makes the weather chilling. Don't like chills. I like warm, fuzzy feelings. Like a hot bath; laughing with friends; or when i'm with you.

Hahahahahahaha see a whole post full of rubbish! It's wednesday already. What am i doing w my life?

 

Cupcakes

She had always wanted words, 

she loved them; grew up on them.

Words gave her clarity,

brought reason, shape.

Somehow what you think doesn't matter to me anymore.

--

HOKAY :) Aft music today, MuiGek and i had a bonding session :D And she successfully made me queue up at koi for like fucking half an hour BUT I GOT MY CHOCOLATE MILK TEA :D HEHEHEHE Large! We cabbed to meet joy after her *ahem* and felt like puking :(

THERE WERE 2 DEAD DRAGONFLIES FLOATING ON HER POOL, DAMN GROSS. Still, we went for a dip cuz it was a fucking hot day and the cupcakes were baking :)

Our cupcakes turned out lovely, better than i xpected (we didn't add the milk) but hahaha it was quite fun eh! My first time baking w all of them esp w jolie and adelia.

Did. Not. Study. Today. You know how shitty that makes me feel? Actually i don't feel shitty. Typing it out doesn't make me feel shitty either. I am really living like it's the holidays. It is!

:(

How depressing. 

The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.

--

Here, pictures! I haven't uploaded any for ages. 

LMG <3>

NEW BLOG (yay)

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Hi omg hi blogger. I've missed you. So badly. HAHAHAHA. A year (and a few days ago) i wasn't very into kpop but now, i am!

I can't be bothered to think of anything else that has changed but i will soon. And post a decent post, one that onsugar can't destroy. :) 

Omg

Omg i fucking know what happened. Some fucker hacked into my onsugar and privatized my fucking blog. So now the tagboard's gone, the description gone everything gone, followers gone, hahaha 

FUCK YOU ONSUGAR :)

M finally moving again. Can't be bothered with this shit site anymore. Fuck you. I shall go search for better sites now. And when i do i'll post my last post here and get the fuck out of onsugar.

tastelikesugar.onsugar.com, bye. 

HER WHISPER IS THE LUCIFER

 

 

 

I love you,
and I will love you until I die,
and if there is life after that,
I’ll love you then.

 

An attempt at a decent post. Hopefully when i press publish the post will BE PUBLISHED. So anyway, i was suppose to get a sushi treat later however :( how sad. My sad life. At home. *hint hint DEANNA* 

Apparently i am to be studying now? Sorry not happening.

The font on macbook is really really nice. BYE COMPAQ NEVER GOING BACK TO YOU AGAIN :) I HAVE BEEN... APPLEFIED! According to celine. Inventor of that supposed supercool word. 

Hahahaha i'm gonna get a polaroid soon and then i don't have to waste time uploading and printing stuff. Yay to 21st century, mother of new age technology.

--

Are you following me?” she asks, but doesn’t meet my gaze. 
“Yeah,” I say. 
“Why?” 
I give her the only honest and true answer I have. “You’re where I want to be.

-LEAVING PARADISE, SIMONE ELKELES

--

I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.

her whisper is the lucifer

At the time, my life just seemed too complete,
and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.

--

FUCK YOU ONSUGAR, FUCK YOU.

WHEN ONSUGAR STOPS BEING SO BITCHY I WILL POST A DECENT POST. FOR NOW, URGH FUCK YOU ONSUGAR. 

sushi buffet

 

At times, I feel like the heart and mind play tricks on each other.
That just when you have got yourself convinced
with one that something is what you want,
the other steps in and makes you feel nothing but doubt.

 

P-p-p-prelims are over, like finally :) Time is passing by s-s-s-s-so fast :(

I am Dead. Beat. Oh my i realise like to say that hahahaahaha. I HAVE BEATEN MY RECORD. I HAVE OFFICIALLY SPENT MORE THAN 3 HOURS IN ORCHARD FOR 3 STRAIGHT DAYS IN A ROW. I spent 5 hours in the previous 2 days and 3 just now :)

Oh wait. Shall talk about stuff in chronological order.

So first, sushi buffet :) Was awfully full after the whole thing but hahaha it's sushi so i was happy :D we spent about 2 hours there with the STUPID FUCKING MANAGER (who doesn't deserve to be one in my honest opinion) and then we ate peas and disgusting ginger stuff soaked in soy sauce. It was nice :) :) Bonding time :) :)

Now i can add one more word to the list of words that remind people of me. At the top would be pink (obviously you can go jump off smth if you didn't know that) and the second one is now fuck :) Is that something to be proud of? idk. It just goes to show that when all you people are married and having sex in about 10 years time? You'll be thinking about me :D (gross)

Then i went shopping (not suprising) with sylvia (suprising) and we succeeded in getting everything i listed before we started shopping! It was quite fun actually! Hehehehe.

Lucifer is now playing on repeat :) Loverholic? Lovertronic? Isn't loverholic derived from alcoholic and lovertronic from electronic.... So they're drunk and they love gadgets?! Dont get it. Still nice though :) Hehehehe minho's rap is nice :) Key's hair is the best and i should shut up now before anyone clicks the x at the top right hand corner.

Wait i shall save the rest of my kpop rant for the last part of the post so anti-kpop people can just skip it easily.

Apparently after all the prep talks my school has given me, i'm suppose to feel xtremely motivated and ready to HINK EEL AND CT (think feel and act) HOWEVER, don't see that happening sorry. :( This is depressing, i'm going to fail o's (look i'm sewing seeds or wtv)

I'm sure i'll be motivated soon enough. Hopefully. Tomorrow........................ shopping! Again :D Then party @ joy's! Hehehe can't wait :)

Life is good for now.

--

KPOP RANT STARTS HERE.

WHY CAN'T DBSK JUST GET BACK TGTH. WHY MUST CHANGMIN AND YUNHO BE ON THE PLANE ALONE :( WHY MUST BOA SIT IN BETWEEN THEM AND TAKE A PHOTO. SHE CAN'T EVER REPLACE THE LACK OF MEMBERS. WHY CAN'T DONGHAE AND EUNHYUK SHOW MORE FANSERVICE. WHY MUST SNSD BE THERE. At least key and jonghyun wore couple shirts (yay!) and i saw everyone using the 300$+ earpieces. Yes, i know you artists are very rich. (which is absurd if sm is really taking your money, so claimed my ex husband who refuses to make up with his other 2 band members or rather, lover and son) I am going crazy :(

SS3 :D

50 more days (or something)

HI ONSUGAR IS BEING A BUGGER AGAIN :) :) :) I SHOULD LIST OUT ALL THE VULGAR/ REALLY DISGUSTING WORDS THAT START WITH B LIKE FOR INSTANCE, BUTT AND BOOBS AND WELL THE OTHER WORD FOR BOOBS.

HOWEVER, HOW EVER, HOWEVER, THERE ARE NICE WORDS THAT START WITH B TOO! LIKE FOR INSTANCE, BEL! AND BEAUTIFUL (BEAUTIFUL BEL) AND BOOKS AND BOOKS AND MORE BOOKS.

I need a decent book to read :(

Okay moving on, my weekend has been absolutely wundafuel! Hehe no wait, Friday was just as nice. Despite having to take 3 papers on Fri + handbell photoshoot (which was pretty funny in the end), i went out! Like finally like yay! Hahaha and bought myself 2 rings, totally contradicting my dislike for rings. But they cost me a bomb :( I don't regret buying them though :) (i never do)

Anyway, and then at about 10 we made our way from ion (it has this SMELL which i can smell once i step out of the train) to gardens and had supper there :) In this new dessert place where they were showing DREAM CONCERT (who cares i have the cd)

OHHHH AND WE TOOK MANY FUNNY VIDS USING SARAH'S CAMERA :D (okay maybe just me) i might post them up hehehehe.

Saturday was........................................... busy? Nothing much though :( Sunday (today) was busy busy busy as well.

Okay my weekends might not have been that great since i only liked Friday and it's not a weekend. Prelims are almost over! With the exception of physics p2. I have increased my love for physics and amath (not kidding) because unlike everything else, they actually MAKE SENSE. Who cares about the elements and how plants respire and WHO CARES ABOUT COUNTING WATER BILLS AND ALL THAT SHIT AND WHO CARES ABOUT VENICE (k it's quite nice but still).

English and lit were always my fav subs anyway.

GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH I SOUND LIKE A GEEEEEEEEEEK LIKE A NERDDDDDD :( This is so sad.

Hahaha i shall end my mindless ugly post with no picture and no quote because onsugar chose to shit me.

Oh and i'm having second thoughts about forever. Not literally but the other meaning (selective sharing- only few wld understand) Maybe after o's?

--

Forever.

Richard Rodgers

 

It is necessary,
in this world,
to be made of
harder stuff than one’s environment.

 

An attempt at a decent post! Hehehe. (Onsugar isn't being a bitch anymore).

So.. the past few days have been hectic like hell. This week has been really terrible (my fingers are now itching to type 'T.T' but it's classified as a lian-ish emicon or smth like that) but anyway, i died. Like, i literally died (brain dead) and then i had to force it to start again then it died the next day then i forced it to start again and you know..... the repetitive cycle.

Oh, something new and interesting to brighten up my xtremely dull life- in 4A1, 2 rows/columns away from me, A BUNG COMMUNITY HAS FORMED! They consist of Captain Bung Deanna and her fellow bung mates- sylvia and bing LEAH. Oh and they have neighbours too- elzbth and bethanie (omg i just realised elizabeth w/o vowels looks really awsm).

Friends have kept me sane- i am tres thankful for that :)

On saturday, i had music! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand Mui Gek and i took pics in the lab! The last time i did that was like 2 years back and i still have the photos HAHA but anyway these are funnier and nicer :) Music make us insane.

I really really really wanna learn the celtic hammered dulcimer :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Anyway, i will die tomorrow again since there's tripple papers to sit for.

 

And i thought i got over.. dbsk.

Hi, i am very stressed now. I was suppose to devote 2 hours of my afternoon to music so that i can at least attain a decent pass tomorrow, unfortunately, i don't think so (i have no doubts) that a 50 is even possible.

I started by googling 'list of jiangnan sizhu instruments'. 45 minutes later, i was on to my 15th video of dbsk's holiday in saipan. The worst thing is, i'm starting to feel sad that they're not performing tgth anymomre! (The word "split" is taboo and forbidden)

I CANNOT STAND MYSELF. 100% am going to fail tomorrow.

I wish a fairy would come save me

 

It’s amazing that the heart makes no noise when it cracks.

 

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Oh. Because onsugar is being an ABSOLUTE BITCH, i can't upload new pictures and thus i'm using my VERY FIRST picture uploaded when i just joined onsugar. Which is a year and 5 days ago :) Hehe. So my weekends have been shitty. I've been watching yog like crazy (esp the gymnastics) and i'm falling in love with ireland folksongs :)

Fb is like a memory portal. I was on the verge of swearing never to go back to fb again.

I will now drown myself in celtic woman. I like them, no. I love them. Bye.

Tired

If nature has made you for a giver, your hands are born open, and so is your heart;
and though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full,
and you can give things out of that—warm things, kind things, sweet things—help and comfort and laughter
—and sometimes gay, kind laughter is the best help of all.

-A Little Princess, Frances Hodgson Burnett

--

I am feeling the need to do a little bit of soul searching. I am so sick of this. For some reason i think many of my posts have been titled 'tired'. Life tires me. The need to constantly keep my life in balance, the drastic mood changes (Yes i suffer from insanse mood swings and omg they swing a lot), haha i just don't know what else i'm expected to do; i don't know what to do anymore.

Apparently my only purpose right now in life is to study. How mundane, it's like instructing me to stand in fire and watch flames lick my skin and tear them apart- it's like watching my life dissolve in sulphuric acid (dibasic acid, chem has taught me well). I, am a person who literally fucking hates routine. To ask me to sit there and do math for 2 hours straight is like asking me to drown myself, in mud.

Still, at the end of the day, when it all boils down to one thing- i am to do it. I am forced and pushed and kicked to study. It's not like i do it willingly anyway. Most of the time i grit my teeth and mutter MY FAVOURITE WORD which i think you obviously know it starts with F and ends with K it's FIRETRUCK no just kidding.

Yes so maybe i should tell myself that studying, though it doesnt give me a life at this point of time, it will raise my standards of living in the future (i don't think about the future a lot i like to live in the present......... or the past) and I want to live, but i also want to live a certain Quality of Life.

So maybe................................ Korea? After O's? Anyone? :)

--

There was no sun; there was no light. I was dying. I couldn't remember what the sky looked like.
But i didn't die. I was lost to a sea of cold, and then I was reborn into a world of warmth.

(That's from Shiver)

 

ONE YEAR

YAY i posted and then i refreshed the page and realised i've been on onsugar for ONE YEAR (and one day)

BUT OMG ONE YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

(I was on blogger longer but WHO CARES) I'VE BEEN ON ONSUGAR FOR ONE YEAR YAY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mizz

 

Go on with what your heart tells you,
or you will lose all

 

To: All the people i've lost- be it this year, last year, or a few years back. I will never be able to completely forget any of you (No matter how hard i try and yes i try very hard sometimes). You can hate me for all i give a shit (which i don't by the way) but i'm just saying. Hahahaha okay those 3 sentences were uncalled for but i'm just going to say it anyway.

Okay all this fuss about prelims and o's are driving me nuts. I keep making to-do-lists for myself but i either lose them or they just keep adding up. It's not even a to-do-list anymore it's like a to-look-at-and-sigh-list. I now have 27 things on my to-look-at-and-sigh-list and half of them involve studying each of my 10 subjects :( I'm still proud to declare that rightttt at the top of my to-do-list is *GO TO KOREA*

Which i am going TO DO .................................. after my o's (this is usually the part where i make some really weird estrangled noise and find smth to jump off)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am quite happy w life now. Or more specifically i am quite happy with just this week. Come next week you'll see me hanging off a cliff or smth. KPOP IS KEEPING ME SANE (SADLY, YES IT'S TRUE) THOUGH I DON'T SOUND QUITE SANE NOW, BELIEVE ME, I AM.

Oh boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back to school tmr :(

EUNHAE *GASP A MILLION TIMES W/O STOPPING*

 

There is everything you know
and there is everything that happens.
When the two do not line up,
you make a choice.

 

Hi, it's going to 1 now and i should be sleeping soon. It's quite an accomplishment for me to be awake now actually. Since i've cultivated a habit of sleeping at 10 (yes, seriously). HOWEVER, SUPER SHOW 3 WAS TODAY, IN SEOUL AND APPARENTLY, APPARENTLY, APPARENTLY LIKE OMG LIKE APPARENTLY,

EUNHYUK'S HEAD WAS UNDER DONGHAE'S PANTS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNOW RIGHT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CANNOT BREATHE CANNOT BREATHE AND OMG NICHKHUN AND DONGHAE WERE IN THE SAME ENCLOSED SPACE LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ah now all i need is for dbsk to patch back and hold hands (esp yunjae) and be friends again and then i will be contented when i die.

Hahahaha okay now to better topics for the sake of non-kpop people (who are really missing out on the love of eunhae in my opinion), oral was. Unexpected. Like what makes me laugh? I don't know what makes me laugh! Stupid things makes me laugh idon'tknowwhatmakesmelaugh oh this is so horrible, just thinking about oral again. The picture was pretty tough as well.

BUT ANYWAY WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT ORAL WHEN THERE'S EUNHAE TO LIVE WITH AND BE HAPPY WITH LIKE OOOOOOOOOOOMG OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMG YES GO LISTEN TO USHER'S O.M.G OR BETTER STILL, GO LISTEN TO SOME SUJU SONG AND THINK OF EUNHAE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm sorry for this post, i truly am. BUT OMG EUNHAE EXISTS IT. IS. REAL. *STAMP OF AUTHENTICITY*

NDP, WE ARE SPORE, WE ARE FUNGI?

 

One shouldn't be too hard on oneself
when the object of one's affection
returns the favour with rather less enthusiasm
than one might have hoped

 

Ndp YAY WE ARE SINGAPORE, SINGAPOREANS. I hate it when people cut Singapore to S'pore, and then to spore, without the apostrophe. Hello, there is a need for the diacritic mark, if not we'll be going 'we are spore spore spore' and then they'd be like, 'spore? ..Fungi?', get the drift..? Yes i hope you do, and please learn from it o's (oral) is coming :(

Anyway, i know nobody is going to read this now since everyone's busy mugging for prelims, i am proud (as well as distressed, perplexed, worried, irked) to say that hey, i haven't started for prelims except one theme of SS! Aaaaand obviously i picked the easier theme- VENICE.

I have a pressing pressing pressing question on my mind that keeeeeps pressing me when i attempt to recite how Venice rose, peaked, and fell. LIKE WHY SHOULD I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW VENICE GOT TOO COMPLACENT WITH THEIR AFFLUENT LIFESTYLE AND DECIDED NOT TO GIVE THEIR RAT'S ASS SHIT ABOUT THEIR TRADE ROUTES AND ALL THAT SHIT. I mean- Doge Pierto II Orseolo?? Doge ENRICO DANDALOLO~ They vaguely sound like lyrics to waka waka. My ass, not giving a shit bout this.

I would love to visit Venice though, before it drowns.

So, it's Monday. And prelims are.. less than a day away. I don't know what to make of Time anymore. Don't want it to get closer, but on the other hand i can't wait for it to be over and gone. Gone and over. Don't want to get any closer to Prelims; i'm in an uncomfortable enough proximity as it is. So help me God (OH LOOKEY HERE I JUST QUOTED BOB, EWELL!)

Yay now i shall attempt to self-evoke feelings for Tom Robinson and Boo Radley for they are poorly oppressed people of Maycomb Society, everbody go *awwwwh*

Haaaappy National Day Singapore! I am truly proud to be a Singaporean :) I'm proud to be a S'porean as well. Yes, even a Sporean, from Spore ooh look mushrooms :O :O :O

(I came plummeting down)

I am constantly feeling like i need everyone else, so much more, than they need me.

Then they'd ever need me.

(I came plummeting down)
(Because there was no one)
(To catch)
(Me)

The Lost Symbol

 

And yet,
to say the truth,
reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

 

Yes that picture is an unfortunately very fail feeble attempt to cheer myself up. Though it cracks me up like shit. HAHA IF YOU DON'T GET IT IT'S OKAY YOU CAN COME ASK ME I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU WHY IT'S SO FUNNY.

Jaejoong <3 My first bias and will be forever remembered :) As the guy who got me hooked onto kpop, ASSHOLE! I feel like i'm eternally stuck in kpop quicksand okay. CAN'T GET OUT CAN'T GET OUT SINKING SINKING SINKING :( Thanks to kpop i'm even a fan of (can you believe it) gays aka eunhae but anyway,

this shall not get out of hand it shall not be a kpop post.

I am. So sick. Of waking up not looking forward to the day ahead. Of looking at every numerical indication of days prelims are due. Of having to create to-do-lists and schedules. Of always feeling like i have a MILLION OTHER BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO STUDY. Of wondering why the fuck i need to know elements in the periodic table. Of figuring out how binomial Theorem is going to help me in future.

At least, I've aquired Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol which makes me happy :)

Saudade (pt2)

 

Our story is over, though in its end lies its beginning.

 

With the succesful upload of that previous post, i need to say that ONSUGAR HAS BEEN A BITCH TO ME OVER THE WEEKENDS :( I made 2 full posts and everytime i click 'publish' it just brings me back to the home page. Once i even found myself logged into someone else's onsugar, bullshit omg.

Anyway, Saudade everyone, that is the word of the........................ well that is the word of the weekend! Has your weekend been like shit and filled with cougar town and meatball marinara sandwhiches from subway? Mine has!

Because i slept at 10, i am now up at 2. Oh, oh oh oh i need to say this, WHY DOES EVERYTHING ON MY TO-DO-LIST START WITH "FINISH ...." (?!) Do i unconsciously leave everything half done? I swear all 11 things on my TDL starts with finish. The worse part is, i haven't finished a single one of it even though i made the list on friday (it's monday morning now, the early early morning morning, yeah)

 

Yes you should click on the > button because if it wasn't nice i wouldn't be uploading it, sí? The lyrics are self-explanatory, beautiful per se.

Monday Blues. Monday Mundane Morbid Moody Mother. All the horrible M words. I can't stand Mondays i really can't i absolutely will not survive. (I will but i feel better saying i won't)

I need sleep.

Saudade

I SWEAR ONSUGAR IS BEING A BIG FAT BITCH

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

--

I'm not suppose to say the F word. For like. As long as possible. Actually i kinda started like 2 days ago. But i failed on both counts. Therefore since today is a new day i suppose it wouldn't hurt to try again.

Lack of pictures lack of quotes. No, just kidding it's more like laziness.

Oh and i think i am pretty slow because i just started liking Mayday Parade (yes i know it's like an ancient mainstream song, whatever)

Best day, ever

 

The amount of happiness that you have
depends on the amount of freedom
you have in your heart.

 

I freed my heart a little today. Let loose, laughed like there was no tomorrow. There could be a hundred other possible ways today could be re-lived. But i wouldn't re-live it, for the world. Today, was, in a long time coming, the best day ever. School, made me errupt into uncontrollable laughter. After that died down, i was filled with the sudden desire to turn the clock back just a few minutes, or a few hours, so that i could let myself go, again. When my mouth went back to it's normal shape, and life continued, my heart hung. But at least i enjoyed myself so much, it made me happy just thinking about it.

After school was equally awesome. Caught up with someone i extremely missed with all my heart, whom i haven't talked to in ages. When i say ages i mean like, light years. Hehehe i silently promised myself never to let anyone close to me drift away so easily. Lesson learnt, yes.

Hehehe bio spa is tomorrow. My happiness has faded away :(

Trilingual, me

 

Before i go find a corner to sulk in my house, here is a model picture of a 21st century student. Trilingual, yes. In time to come we will all be speaking in Tamil. You will be forced to expand your Tamil vocab and not limit it to 2 words like Muneru and Valiba.

Look how happy this student is, being proactive, keeping up with times, reading a tamil paper, not looking at all like one!

--

Okay the only reason why i posted this was because of my helix piercing :D I mean, LOOK AT IT!

TODAY SUCKED

Here's 10 reasons why my day SUCKED

1. My iphone blacked out on me, and it can't turn on now that i'm home and charging the freaking thing while frantically trying to press the stupid button on top BUT IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING I HATE MY STUPID IPHONE PLEASE DIE.
2. NO PLEASE DON'T DIE PEASE COME BACK ALIVE SO I CAN USE YOU TOMORROW.
3. I'm not going for singfest anymore.
4. I totally forgot that there's physics test.
5. I totally forgot that there's physics test, tomorrow.
6. I (obviously) didn't study for physics test.
7. I am experiencing the LOW part of my HIGH day.
8. I have un-erasable nipples (eyeballs) on the palm of my hands drew by dear sylvia chia.
9. I told Deanna the answer to the number pattern shit because i was going to die. Now she hates me. Also, i threw 2 MnNs at her.
10. I don't know how to spell MnMs. or MnNs. omg. What have i been pronouncing my whole life?

Yes therefore, today sucked. It will get better, slightly better, if i win lottery tonight. Or by today. But no not going to happen.

>:(

L4D@LAN

 

Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.
Too often we’re too stubborn to say, ”Sorry, I was wrong.”
Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.

 

Well, prelims can just go KISS MY ASS. I am so lazy, i don't even know how to describe it anymore, i'm at a loss for words. This morning saw me eating mee pok (i thought it was mi pork but deanna told me otherwise) instead of going to church, and then i made my way to a lan shop to play L4D (indeed i quite suck at it) cuz paul has to constantly save me every few minutes hehe.

Other than that, life is moving along just fine. (Because i'm not studying)(yet)

AND I'M GOING TO SINGFEST 2010 YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SCREAM FOR ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I didn't even plan to go, taking into consideration that everyone around me is not as lazy and are probably studying their asses of as i'm typing this sentence. However, Celine Tan smth smth, is the only exception! Yay i'm gonna see WONDERGIRLS AND KATY PERRY (SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM) HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

Yes and my prelims are going to ssssssssssssssssuck. Like ssssssssssssssssshit. I am ssssssssstresssssing on the S-es.

Okay my brain has gone a bit looney after seeing zombies attack me bye

Brick by boring brick

 

Being on the tightrope is living;
everything else is waiting

 

Ha, Hahahahahaahahahahah. Hi. My happy bubble didn't surface today. Deanna says i think too much. That is true i suppose. I suppose that is true. Wow my engrish is horrigible. < I think physics spa is the cause of this inconsequential. blogpost.

Well now, physics spa. CAN'T YOU JUST PATCH UP THE FUCKING CRACK IN THE WALL WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED TO MEASURE IT? TOO MUCH TIME IS IT?

>:(

Someone give me some other motivation rather than "o's are in 90++++ days!!!" because that doesn't seem to be working anymore. Nothing seems to be working my ass is too lazyyy. The world should stop spinning around me; let me catch my breath, regain my clarity, and we can go go go again. All set, plan in hand, i'll be on my toes and you'll.. be dead (hopefully) 

Ad astra, ad absurdum.

Misguided ghosts

 

Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

 

Pain is just a simple compromise, so we can get what we want. Broken hearts and twisted minds.

Aha, don't judge me. I am like that because that is me, that is the way i live the way i survive the way i find is most effective in getting things done. Suddenly, on my way home, i felt a sudden pang of lonliness. I miss old friends, i miss old times.

My post is incoherent again today. Listening compre was today, i told my chinese teacher it was tomorrow, oh blimey.

3 pure sciences tmr, science overload. Will terminate and die.

I realised i haven't been using the 3-word phrases for very long, things like -i miss you, i love you, please come back.. etc. I have been, however, using things like- i hate you, fuck my life, what the fuck, fucking fucker fucked, etc.

If you read that, i'm sorry. I'm going to bathe now. Why am i announcing this on my blog HAHA. Okay bye everyone should eat macs macs is the Mother of fats, of all things good and true and fat.

Do you understand me? I cannot comprehend my thoughts.

Dead beat.

Shiver

 

I pressed my lips together as though
I was keeping his kiss inside me,
holding this moment that was
as fragile as a bird in my hands

 

I did something very stupid today. I walked into the bookstore and as usual i spent no less than an hour there. Finally with 2 books in my hand- both James Patterson's (yes i am a huge fan of his alex cross series and the womem's murder club), i headed to the cashier. 

On my way there (it was just a few steps) this stupid book caught my eye. Okay it's not stupid but there wasn't a summary of the book at the back cover, and the front cover was painted a picturesque of heart-shaped blue leaves and blue branches. There was just one word, no caps, "shiver". For some bloody reason i felt very very extremely drawn to that book. So i walked around abit more with 3 books in my hand.

Finally i got so tired i dumped the James Patterson ones (ah) and bought shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. I didn't even know a single bloody detail about the book. For all i know it could've just been about people shivering, or like stupid short ghost stories.

Hahahahaha i was proven wrong (gladly). The book is so awesome, i can't even bring myself to describe how awesome it is. Almost as awesome as The Pellinor series. Almost. However the only stupid thing about the book is that it's the first of a trilogy which SUCKS because now i have to go haunt for the second book somewhere in kinokuniya (God knows how long that'll take) and i have to wait for the third one.

Here's to my long lost love/ obsessive habit of reading. I'm so ready to plunge back into that other realm i can't wait to end this post.

And oh- if you've managed to read the above w/o falling asleep, congrats. You have officially and successfully managed to register the label 'bookworm' or 'nerd' next to my name in your brain.

Another Realm

 

Lets play truth or dare
Or just dare because
Nobody tells the truth anymore

 

T stands for Tired. I am tired. T also stands for Today and Terrible, therefore Today is Terrible, T stands for Tell-Tale, ironically it stands for Truth as well. T stands for Time, which i so very badly want to turn back.

I came back dumped my bag on the bed trudged down the stairs plopped myself on my sofa the bench reached for the remote and watched Grey's Anatomy. I wouldn't call it watching. I was just staring at the screen, mind wondering down memory lane. I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything now, my mind likes to bring me back to places i don't wish to vist, makes me listen to the voices in my head that i plugged long time ago; then i carry on remembering how it felt.

That, is the worst part. Not the sight not the sound but the feelings. The small emotion bubble waiting to be burst. 1, 2 3, I'm back to reality. Doesn't hurt that much now that i've been constantly going back and fourth. I ran in my dreams, tripped over reality and hit my head on the truth.

No matter how hard we try to ignore it, deny it, eventually the lies fall away. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie.

Honestly, i'm fucking afraid. Honestly, i'm fucking tired and i don't wish to carry on with this. Controlled by the heart and not the mind, lets see what i'll do. My reations take place usually immediately, impulsively, given no second thoughts. I might just crumble, fall, crash, exactly what my heart is doing at this point of time.  

I knew it wasn't frickin cuz that sounded wrong. It's fucking! Yay :)

Impossible

 

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear I know,
I know

 

I enjoyed myself today. School was tiring. At least i got to go shopping. Hehehehe. We should all eat our own Tofus so we won't be taken advantage of. Speaking of which, go try Mos burger's 85cents bread. It's delicious for some reason.

It's 1125 now. I wonder what i'm doing up when i have chem spa skill 3 tmr. I was never fond of sleeping early anyway. I've been doing so the past few nights actually. Didn't make much of a difference. Hahahaha actually, the reason why i haven't been updating my blog is cuz i've been writing fanfics.

I actually thought my eunhae fanfics were horrible but there were so many nice comments i just felt obliged to keep writing HEHEHEHEHE. It's fun though! Hahaha i like writing fanfics :) They are fun.

Now, i should try to get some sleep. Oh btw i have this new found liking for Toy Stores now! The BETTER toy store. HAHAHAHAHA :)

Attention

 

California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
we got it on lock

 

Are you expecting this? Well wait no longer, you're going to get it.

Firstly, i was debating whether i should spend the whole entire post cursing. Then i realised that hey, that wouldn't do! I'd be wasting time, energy and well i'd be wasting everything there is to waste on someone not worth it.

So i decided i shall just say a few words and let nature takes it's course. Or perhaps i'll suggest another course to nature as i usually do so as to you know, get things done. (It's time someone did something that involves direct face-to-face bitch slapping, yes?)

Let's see, where do i begin. Firstly, let's get things clear. Like, crystal clear. You, brought it upon yourself. Don't you dare come pointing fingers and making up stories about who did this and who did that. I'm not as dumb and i'm certainly not very forgiving, and yes i realised i hold grudges. You can keep living as a senseless two-face or some backstabbing bitch but hey, what do i care! I used to think i hate you but now i don't even want to think about you.

Most people crave attention and some fight for it. No dumbshit stands there and expect to be given attention.

Okay! A paragraph and a line! Well my anger is worth that much i suppose. Today we learnt tea appreciation! DAMN FUN. HEHEHE. The best part was eating the nuts hahaha. Healthcheck was so bloody fast la! The glee song is still stuck in my head :)

Alone

        From childhood's hour I have not been        As others were; I have not seen        As others saw; I could not bring        My passions from a common spring.        From the same source I have not taken        My sorrow; I could not awaken        My heart to joy at the same tone;        And all I loved, I loved alone.        Then- in my childhood, in the dawn        Of a most stormy life- was drawn        From every depth of good and ill        The mystery which binds me still:        From the torrent, or the fountain,        From the red cliff of the mountain,        From the sun that round me rolled        In its autumn tint of gold,        From the lightning in the sky        As it passed me flying by,        From the thunder and the storm,        And the cloud that took the form        (When the rest of Heaven was blue)        Of a demon in my view.

 

I'm quite reluctant to do a normal post because i feel very 'bleh' and i just got my you-know-what today. I'm not complaining though, it delayed itself for 2 months so i'm quite glad about that.

I nursed a headache today on the way back from church. Something hurt more than that. That something had always hurt, i didn't give much thought to it. I shan't anyway. Not worth my time, my energy.

Jerrey is awsm

 

Like lipstick traces on pillowcases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us
Some things in life are undeniable

 

Hi my friend in the shadows Jerrey, never had a friendster nor facebook and almost didn't have msn until i came in, name sounds like a female, acts like a female but is actually a male. Listens and never refutes, loves me and doesn't expect anything back :) Here's to our mutal friendship, and you and Dez should b tgth forever (though i must warn you that doesn't last long) and thank you for introducing me to L4D even though we met under really........... fked up circumstances. Happy 18th, improve your english, add in proper punctuation and i might actually reply you sometimes. I Love you, dez don't kill me.

School was.......... hmm. My morning was ruined by some fucker, i'm not sorry that the fucker ruined it but i'm sorry i let my morning be ruined by that fucker. The rest of the day was fine, there was no chinese (fuck yeah!) Hehe and lunch was just connect 4 all the way which was damn funny because sha is like, the BEST at connect 4 like whoo! Hehehe.

Kay, one pic from sarah's birthday before i go, and i am only posting this because i am convinced that my eyes look puny-ier than this in the other photos. She, always, looks great so there's no problem in that hehe.

 

 

OH and, KINGS OF CONVENIENCE FTWWWWWW. <3 In the middle of watching 'museeeek bang!' (that's how the mcs pronounce it) i chanced upon kings of convenience while channel surfing, and fell in love with them instantly.

Hehehe this post is rather interesting don't you think! Jerrey, don't kill me if i fall asleep at 10 and don't make it!! :(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH *INSERT LOVE*

 

 

I fear I've done some things too late and others too early

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY sarah NG I HOPE YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU DEEP DOWN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, I REALLY DO. AND IF COULD BAKE THOSE CUPCAKES UP THERE I WOULD BAKE THEM FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY :) Thank you for just being in my life, it's more than enough to have you as a friend. I do hope you liked today's evening :) It was fun :) :)

So today, school was nice. It was (shockingly) slack for the first time. After school i went to j8 w sylvia and we borrowed this personality colour book thing and i am green :) Which totally says that when i'm angry, the four letter word comes rolling out of my mouth and a lot of other stuff were true too :) Ate oyster meesua, bought cake and rushed home.

Now the highlight of the day, the very failed birthday suprise :) Hahaha took many pictures and it was funnnnn. Sad though, when we all had to leave. I hope sarah enjoyed it! It's her sixteenth and that doesn't last long :( Only 24 hours :( We sat at her table munching soccer pizzas and b&js, and for a moment i felt 14 again. I realised that over the past few years i have indeed stored up many memories with these lovely people and now we're 16 and almost graduating, it feels kind of.... sad. No more dreaded handbell pracs, lunching at ikea visiting joyce/winnie at the hospital, etcetc.

Then again, there's still shopping and dinners and sakura (free flow sashimi) and ECP cycling and more camwhoring to be done :) I won't let the friendships slip by me so easily!

I realised i haven't caught up with alvina and eunice for a very long time :) Soon soon! <3

Oh, and i love you, sarah, winnie, joyce, Forever and Always.

Eating in the mrt = bad ethic, bad oral topic

 

People change.
And often they become the persons they said they'll never be.

 

Well, today was a total waste of time. They should've just continued lessons instead of making us go for poly talks when most of us are none the least bit interested in going to a poly. However, my mind keeps reminding me that today was a mix of laughter as well, and friends made the day lovely, made school bearable, i felt contented..

And it was enough.

Sometimes in the middle of my lunch, my fork stops midway and i start to feel really horrible, because each second just ticks away like nobody's business and minutes flow by and by the time you know it, everyone is pushing back their chairs and heading towards the exit. Or when everyone doubles up in laughter because of something so hilarious it tickles you all over, you can't stop laughing.. But when that moment passes.......................

It's just sad.

I don't like that feeling. The feeling that makes me feel like everything has been stolen from me in an instant, the feeling which sinks my heart and shuts me up, the sorta kinda 'low' after the 'high', it's just wrong to become the total opposite of whatever that was a moment ago. The anticipation of the goodbyes at the end of anything and everything nice makes me cringe.

I suppose that's life. It's fucking dramatic and it fucks up sometimes but when it's beautiful, it's amazing. Tres awesome. Friends are absolutely amazing, and i wouldn't give any up for the world.

(I'm going to be very singaporean aunty-ish and add in smth totally unsuitable for this kind of life-epiphany posts but, THAT IS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN TO TREASURE FRIENDS *HINT HINT* BUT IT'S TOO LATE ANYWAY *MORE HINT*)